Entry 108

Visceral anxiety. I need a clonazepam but then I'd have to fill my water bottle to wash it down and I really don't feel like leaving my room right at this moment. Maybe I'll just let it dissolve under my tongue. Gonna taste super bitter, tho.

Moments like this, it's like I have this inclination to just sit here and try to relax my body and hope it subsides soon.

This hoping it subsides soon is tantamount to praying.

Praying to whom, tho? I'm an atheist. It just feels awkward and fake to pray to something I don't believe in. The only thing that feels right is if I just imagine a void, which my human brain just sees as an endless expanse of blackness and nothing -- even though that is technically something, because my human brain was not built to be able to conceive of an actual real void, because an actual real void doesn't really look like anything.